


The Shame Was On The Other Side

by MoragMacPherson



Series: Home Is Where I Want To Be (But I Guess I'm Already There) [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 06:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9536804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoragMacPherson/pseuds/MoragMacPherson
Summary: Bodhi and Luke catch up following Luke's first meeting with Darth Vader





	

**Author's Note:**

> Because I’ve already read headcanons for most of the stuff following A New Hope, (or just read “I Guess I’ll Know When I Get There,” which you should definitely be reading) I had to jump ahead to the end of Empire, and how does Bodhi, nauseated by listening to respirators, react to finding out about Luke’s parentage. Many many run-ons and em-dashes ensued: you’ve been warned. Now with a prequel: [Unconsciously Done](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9546416).

Bodhi knew he shouldn’t feel like this; he’d known what he was getting into, becoming involved with one of the thirty people in the damned galaxy with a higher Imperial bounty on his head than Bodhi’s own, but still: first the wampa, then the belated holo of, _Sorry,_ pateesa, _I’m not going to make the rendezvous point, I have a training mission I need to complete alone_ , and finally Luke had lost a kriffing _hand_ to Darth Vader. Bodhi toyed with his goggles in the lift on the _Redemption_ , needing anything to distract himself from his warring feelings of relief, anger, frustration, fear and— all the other feelings that didn’t need names right now, because all they did was amplify the others. At least Bodhi would see Luke in a few minutes. At least the worst hadn’t yet happened.

 _Could still happen, might still happen, there’s a war going on, we’re right at the frontlines_ — No, right now Luke remained mostly whole, lying on a hospital bed, wearing a smile that looked only a little hesitant on seeing Bodhi’s face. “You’re here,” he said.  
  
“There was a mission,” Bodhi began to explain, not looking at Luke’s arm, he wasn’t, it was simply difficult to look at Luke’s face, especially when Bodhi had no real clue what his own face was doing, should be doing— and it must have been doing something wrong, because Luke was running soothing fingers through Bodhi’s beard— _that’s a damn good prosthesis_.  
  
“I’m sorry,” said Luke, shifting to the far side, inviting Bodhi to join him on the too narrow bed, but almost all of their beds have been too narrow, it was only natural to curl into Luke, warm and alive and the brightest star in the damned galaxy and _alive_.  
  
“You should be,” said Bodhi. “You flew into one of Vader’s ambushes, you didn’t call for backup, we would have been there, you know we would have been there,” he muttered, because of course he would have run straight there. It wasn’t like Jyn or Cassian or any of them would have let Bodhi go alone, and maybe then Han wouldn’t be captured, maybe then the hand wiping his tears away would still be the hand Luke had been born with. Except Luke, always warm and yielding, had gone rigid and wasn’t looking at him, and Bodhi could feel in the pit of his stomach that there was something worse, something Luke was holding back. “Hey, I didn’t mean—” and Luke kissed him, a mercy that stopped Bodhi’s mouth from running any longer.  
  
Eventually the kiss had to end though. “I’m missing something,” said Bodhi, because kisses were all well and good, but after this past month he couldn’t let something so obviously wrong slide. If he was going to love Luke Skywalker, he had to love the whole of him, or else why was he here in the first place?  
  
Luke looked away. “I really— I don’t know how to talk about it,” he said.  
  
Bodhi smiled at him, running his thumb along Luke’s jaw. “Just say it, then, and then we can figure out how to talk about it together,” and he was a sap, he was a fool, he was in love so Luke would have to forgive him—  
  
“Vader told me that he’s my father,” said Luke. To Bodhi’s credit, he didn’t jump off the bed.  
  
“What?” he said instead, flat and still. He didn’t dare move for fear just thinking about Vader might draw the... creature's attention. Bodhi'd seen things, heard things, and now—  
  
Luke kept staring straight ahead at the wall. “While we were fighting, Darth Vader asked me to join him, because he’s my father.” He looked down. “He wasn’t lying,” said Luke, a touch of bitterness to his voice, and oh, that would just be too easy, wouldn’t it? The walking nightmare being a liar would be truth in a kinder galaxy than the one which they lived in, apparently.    
  
Bodhi’s mouth felt very, very dry. “How does that work?” he asked, mind still recoiling from this new reality, and how must Luke have felt? Had this little revelation been before or after the amputation? Bodhi couldn’t begin to imagine what Luke had gone through, _he shouldn’t have had to do that all alone_ , said a very selfish part of Bodhi which he quashed as soon as he thought it.  
  
“I'm… I’m not sure,” said Luke, sounding a little distant. “My father was Anakin Skywalker, Jedi, hero of the Clone Wars. Who apparently became Darth Vader. I asked Leia, she said that she’d look into it, that the timeline wasn’t entirely out of the question, but her best records had been lost on Alderaan.” Because Luke was really, really too good for Bodhi, even at a time like this, he automatically moved to give Bodhi a reassuring squeeze at the mention of Alderaan. “She’s a little distracted,” added Luke.  
  
“Han,” Bodhi replied because Leia was living a far worse scenario than theirs, because Luke had said Vader had asked him to _join_ him, but Luke had not, Luke was here, short a hand, but still here. With Bodhi. _Kriff the nightmare_ , Bodhi thought as he reached over to pull Luke into a deeper kiss, needing Luke to know he’d made the right choice.  
  
Bodhi let out a low whine deep in his throat as Luke pulled away. “Easy there,” said Luke, the warmth back in his voice. Bodhi smiled, content that he’d probably done the right thing. He hadn’t liked Luke going cold, didn’t like the idea that the darkness of Vader had infiltrated even one speck into his son.  
  
“I’m sleeping with Darth Vader’s son,” said Bodhi and he felt a little dizzy saying it.  
  
“If it makes you feel any better, I don’t see any family dinners in the foreseeable future,” said Luke and now they were both laughing around the pain. Bodhi could live with this, though he had yet another troubling thought.  
  
“I can never tell Kaytoo this, can I? Can you imagine?” he said, still laughing nervously.  
  
“Actually,” said Luke, his voice gone quiet again, his new fingers back in Bodhi’s beard, “I’d really prefer it if you didn’t tell any of them.”  
  
“Oh,” said Bodhi. He could keep secrets, but keeping them from Jyn and Cassian—he pressed his lips together, “I guess I understand that.” Luke’s already faced enough suspicion from certain quarters for all of his separate Jedi missions, it wasn’t like he needed even more blasters gunning for him. But if he’d wanted to keep it secret—Chirrut or Baze would know Bodhi was holding back just by looking at him. His mouth quirked and Luke moved his fingers to shush Bodhi.  
  
“I told Leia and Chewbacca because they were the ones who found me, and I’m telling you because you’re my _you_ ,” Luke said, like that was a sentence that made sense.  
  
Oh.  
  
“You’re not the only reason I stayed,” said Luke, “But you sure didn’t hurt.”  
  
Oh.  
  
Oh.  
  
For once in his life, Bodhi Rook didn’t doubt anything.


End file.
